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Every NBA and WNBA player we know is part of the new ‘Space Jam’ Goon Squad

If you haven’t been following along intently with the development of Space Jam: A New Legacy it’s okay, we’ll forgive you. The movie, set to release on July 16, is coming sooner than you think — and now, we have a better sense of who will be in it.

Instead of the Monstars as the primary basketball antagonists like the original 1996 movie, the new film features the “Goon Squad,” a series of AI-created digitized versions of current NBA and WNBA stars trying to defeat LeBron James and the Looney Tunes.

On Thursday, we got our first look at the characters thanks to new poster images for Space Jam: A New Legacy were released Thursday. Here’s who we’re looking at seeing.

Damian Lillard is Chronos

From early information we have, Lillard will have super speed powers.

Anthony Davis is The Brow

Every NBA and WNBA player we know is part of the new ‘Space Jam’ Goon Squad

I’m guessing this is just a way to make Brow sound like “crow,” and give him bird powers. Shame he’s no longer on the Pelicans for this.

Nneka Ogwumike is Arachnneka

Every NBA and WNBA player we know is part of the new ‘Space Jam’ Goon Squad

SPIDER POWERS! I’m terrified of Ogwumike. I would not like to play her on the court, or have her lower from my ceiling and kill me.

Diana Taurasi is White Mamba

Every NBA and WNBA player we know is part of the new ‘Space Jam’ Goon Squad

This is a really, really unflattering depiction of Diana Taurasi, but as least she has a cool snake tail and a name that invokes Kobe.

But most importantly …

KLAY THOMPSON IS WET-FIRE

Every NBA and WNBA player we know is part of the new ‘Space Jam’ Goon Squad

This is unquestionably the dumbest, weirdest, most nonsensical nickname anyone could have come up with. I mean, I get it, he’s one of the Splash Brothers, hence the wet — and he’s a great shooter, hence the fire. But Wet-Fire?!

When I hear the term Wet-Fire the first thing I think of is a wing sauce you’d find at a strip club. The second thing is napalm. So pick your poison if you want a crime against the culinary arts, or a literal war crime on this one.

A quick Google search tells me that something named WetFire actually already exists, and it’s tinder designed for survivalists, because it’ll flame up even if it’s wet. I don’t know if that’s a threatening thing to name Klay Thompson after either.

We know who drew the short straw on this one.



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