Grieving mum slams mother-in-law for ‘making a spectacle’ out of her son’s death

A grieving mum has turned to the internet for some advice following the tragic death of her four-year-old son as her mother-in-law’s subsequent behaviour has been troubling her

She’s grieving the loss of her son (stock photo)

When it comes to the death of a family member, everyone has their own way of grieving and coping with the loss.

And while many people might prefer to take some time to deal privately, others prefer to publicly remember the person.

These two methods of grieving don’t always mix well as one woman has unfortunately recently discovered.

An anonymous mum from the US has taken to Reddit to ask for some advice after her four-year-old son passed away.

In a post on the Am I The A**hole forum, the woman explained that she and her husband are very private people, but that her mother-in-law had been ‘making a spectacle’ out of the tragedy.

This had resulted in a fight between the two women and she wanted to know who was really in the wrong.

She thinks the older woman is being ‘insensitive’ (stock photo)


Getty Images/iStockphoto)

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Her post read: “My four-year-old son passed away suddenly four months ago. Since it happened, my MIL has been… a lot.

“She posted on social media to announce his passing without consulting my husband or I. We are private people and it was a shock to have condolences from near-strangers flooding in when we hadn’t even had time to notify many immediate family members.

“My husband told her it was rude to decide when and how to announce his death publically, and she apologized and took the post down.

“Once we’d had time to tell everyone close to us, we gave her the all-clear to make a post if she wanted to. She proceeded to post multiple times a day about her grief, giving what I felt was an unnecessary amount of detail about his accident (she was present when it happened).

“I understand that people grieve differently, but it made me very uncomfortable and I unfollowed her on social media because it was so upsetting. My husband told me even after the first couple of weeks that she continued making posts about once a week.”

The parent went on to say that ahead of what would have been her son’s fifth birthday, her mother-in-law took it upon herself to plan a memorial without asking and they only found out about it when their invite arrived in the mail.

“I called to tell her she needed to cancel because I’m not comfortable with having a large memorial, my husband and I want to grieve privately. She accused me of not caring about the grief of the rest of the family, saying they would all like to participate in a memorial and I was being selfish by leaving them out.

“I said she was making my son’s death all about her with her constant exploitative social media posts making a spectacle out of it, and by organizing a memorial without even asking my husband and I first.

“She said ‘you don’t understand what it’s like losing my only grandchild. You’re young, you can always just have more kids. But I’m old, I don’t know if I’ll be alive to meet my future grandchildren. He might have been my only chance to be a grandma’.”

The mum claims to have found this comment “bizarre” as she and her husband have never discussed having more children and the woman is also not that old and “not on the brink of death”.

She added: “I responded with ‘keep behaving like this, and I won’t let you meet any future grandkids’.

“She called my husband in hysterics saying I’d threatened to cut her out our future children’s lives just for grieving in a way I don’t like. My husband agreed with me that her behaviour is insensitive and borderline exploitative of our son’s memory. But he thinks my threat was uncalled for because she is still grieving and clearly the possibility of not having future grandchildren is upsetting to her at the moment.”

Hundreds of people responded to the Reddit post, with many agreeing that the mother-in-law needed to be more sensitive.

One said: “MIL spends all this time talking about her own grief and hasn’t even spared a thought to OP’s grief, the actual MOTHER of this child.”

Another replied: “NTA, grief is a process not a tool to gather likes from Facebook.”

A third wrote: “NTA…Your MIL saying that you’re young and can always have more children was the ultimate brush-off. Your comment, while harsh, was needed. Her behaviour needs to stop and she needs to know that her actions will have consequences.”

What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.

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